Bored

Lately, I've been reevaluating my life and my current situation, and I've been increasingly unsatisfied by it all. I've been aimlessly carrying on, just waiting for something (anything) to happen.

In a word, I'm bored.

And I'm sick and tired of this place I've found myself in. A place of comfort and distractions. A place where I have millions of things to do to distract myself. But even amidst the distractions, I've found myself more bored than ever.

I open my browser, and look at a few sites to see that there hasn't been anything new on any of the sites I regularly read, and then close the browser. And then I sit there for a few minutes, and then I open my browser again and go back to the same sites. Because there is nothing else to do. And I find myself doing this more often than I'd care to admit.

But there is always something I could be doing. Here I am, sitting in this perfect storm of boredom, and yet I'm not praying, I'm not reading the bible, I'm not doing anything. And I could. I think to myself, "I should."

But I don't.

I let the time slip by, doing nothing. Keeping myself busy. It's like a hamster wheel. I spend all day running and running but in the end, there was nothing done.

And I think of the last time I found my life exciting. A time where life was interesting. And I realize, that it all stemmed form a place of prayer. And I look back on that time with a sort of longing, like it's something I can't have now in my current situation.

Why can't I have that now? I'm sick of the excuses, the justifications. The distractions. I want what I had then, but more than that, I want Jesus.

I want Jesus.

Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher,
vanity of vanities! All is vanity.
-Ecclesiastes 1:2